We can easily feel attached to the idea of something. How a new job will be, an anniversary, our child’s first day of school, a holiday, vacation. We conjure up an idea almost automatically and certainly without much effort. The idea can either be positive or negative but we quickly become quite attached to it. So much so that when it veers off the path of our ideal, we panic. “This isn’t how it was supposed to be.” “I wasn’t supposed to feel this way.” “Wow, this is actually doesn’t suck.” We can be fooled into thinking we have control over life when we buy into our ideas. Perhaps these ideas are actually sabotaging our ability to be present. What if we could enter situations just accepting what is true about them? I am here in this moment and I feel (enter emotion) and (another one). This past year it was a lot of “I’m uncomfortable and I’m ok” moments for me. I have realized that more than one thing can be true at the same time. I can be enjoying myself and be anxious. I can be deeply scared and I can also do the thing. I can also be tired and rest.

I have spent a large amount of my life operating on over drive. Overriding my nervous system because of an idea of who I am, who I’m supposed to be or simply because somewhere along the way an idea became a truth. The ideal mother, wife, woman, friend, daughter, success story.

2022 presented me with the space to unlearn many of these ideas. I attempted to enter situations expecting nothing. Reorienting my brain to simply focus on the truth of what was happening in that exact moment. This concept while extremely foreign, proved to be quite freeing. Similar to the ease I feel when I’m riding the ocean waves. I am eager to stay curious about what happens when I deny those sneaky ideas and just be.

I read the book When Things Fall Apart when I was in the hospital fighting for my life and that of my unborn daughter back in 2017. There is a section that details the universal truth that good and bad things happen to everyone. There is not a magical path you can take to shield yourself of this truth, this idea is undeniable. I remember feeling like the walls were shaking. How could that be true? Good people = good outcomes. Right? WRONG!

As I recently recounted this moment with my therapist she paused and asked me a question that has helped frame my mindset entering 2023. “Well, if you know good and bad things will ultimately occur, then how do you want to spend your time?” Boom, another shake.

This is the path I’m taking as we enter 2023 as I’m sure many of you are. The journey to find the most authentic version of myself and let her be. Not the version infiltrated by images and messages of what the ideal woman, mother, wife, friend, daughter, sister, blah blah blah is. The version that feels real joy in something and seeks out relationships with other people doing the same.

For me this includes writing, helping people (specifically women and mama’s), dancing, reading, swimming, walking, puzzles, justice, good food, baths, iced coffee, therapy, funny movies, reality tv, cuddling my pups, reading with Jules and joking with Chad.

It does not include large groups, dressing up, slime, chalk, styling my hair, zoom calls, high pressure situations, public speaking which does include reading to my child’s class during lunch (learned this recently), playing dolls, scary movies or assholes.

I can spot someone living this way from a mile away. And I’m happy that I have formed friendships with women who have decided to also be themselves. They give me strength and hope that we can find a new way. I’ve found them at previous jobs, my daughter’s dance class, her school, playgroups, a nurse that took care of me during my lowest, another who took care of my daughter in the hospital and later held my hand during group therapy, sorority sisters and within my family.

Let us be heard and drop these ideas so that we can be women doing our best and being our authentic selves. Sending you love and authenticity in 2023.