Over the weekend I started watching a new show on ABC called, The Parent Test. They’ve brought 12 parents from all around the country who identify as raising their children in different styles. Natural, new age, traditional, helicopter, high achievement, etc. The basic premise is that each of them will expose their parenting styles while undergoing various tests with their children to see how they act in each situation based on the way they’re being raised. Ultimately, each will vote on which style is the most “effective” based on three criteria of emotionally healthy children. The criteria are emotionally whole, healthy relationships and set up to navigate today’s complex world. 

I was eager to watch as I love any opportunity to learn about how other’s are tackling the seemingly impossible job that is parenting. I found myself getting teary eyed during parts of the show as each set of parents were identifying similarities and differences with an open heart. I was overcome with emotion as this kind of dialogue is what, I believe, we’re craving as parents. 

None of us really know what we’re doing as parents. I’ve seen Tik Tok’s referencing this scary truth. It’s the mom holding the baby with the caption “what they tell you when you leave the hospital” and a series of do’s and don’s play as the audio recalling the advice we’re given at the hospital. “Focus on getting rest over the next few weeks but also follow safe sleep guidelines so the baby should only sleep alone on a flat surface which they’re going to hate. They’re going to want to sleep on you but you cannot sleep when they do this. Also, breastfeed on demand but only about every two to three hours. And since you had a C-section do not lift anything over 10 pounds but here is your seven pound baby and eight pound carseat that you need to take to like three different doctors appointments over the next month.” Imagine starting a brand new job and getting this list of contradicting responsibilities your first week. You would probably think you’ve chosen the wrong job, questioned what the heck you’re doing with your life and also felt like a crazy person. 

This is parenting. My introduction to parenting was a bit extreme. I had two c-section’s over the span of three days due to hemorrhaging during delivery. My baby was in the NICU for 88 days and to say that I had zero clue what I was doing is an understatement. I had like .0001% clue what to do. So I went into pure survival mode and just went through the motions of keeping myself and my baby alive. I pumped around the clock and spent all my days at the hospital. I was traumatized by my birthing experience and I needed to be there for my newborn baby. We left the hospital with my baby on a feeding tube. I remember the nurse coming in to show us how to use it in a 20 minute crash course. My head was spinning. How am I going to do this? I’m sure you’ve had similar moments in your journey as a parent. Questioning how the heck you’re going to do something and then doing it. That’s the superhero strength that comes from becoming a mother. Suddenly, we just are doing the thing. The impossible, hard, scary, uncomfortable thing. I can remember during this time, I would see Huggies commercials on TV and want to throw something at the screen. It was always this idolized scene of a mother happily giving birth, holding her baby and swaddling it with a fresh huggie. Screw you Huggies. Where are the commercials showing the reality of what we all know to be true about becoming a mom? The fear, intense emotion, night sweats, depression, anxiety, confusion. 

As I’ve become a mother, I’ve had the privilege of meeting so many other’s with their own unique stories of becoming a mom. Each of them different but also just the same. Loving our children so much that our heart could explode at any given moment and being so exhausted, confused and overwhelmed that we need to hibernate for a solid three months to feel like a real person again. Parenting is hard. It is by far the hardest job I’ve ever accepted the challenge of. Each stage comes with its own unique challenges. Just as soon as you feel  like you’ve gotten into the groove of something, everything changes again. As I’ve created bonds with other women, I’ve craved hearing their stories. After each conversation I’ve had around mothering, I can feel both of us move a little bit lighter. We can both take a bit of a breathe knowing that we’re not alone. 

One of my goals in starting this blog and creating With Mama We Stand is to generate a community of mom’s who can share their stories and create connection. Just like on the show, most likely we’re raising our children differently. We may be relying on the way we were raised to guide the journey or working diligently to do it just the opposite based on how that style negatively affected our lives. We may be doing it divorced, with a partner of the same sex, as an interracial couple, with mental health struggles, addiction challenges, anger issues, as a working mom who struggles to find time in the day to spend quality time with their kiddos. Whatever your situation is, it’s valuable and important. What I do know is that we all love our children very deeply. We all want the best for them and to be resilient, respectable, happy, healthy people in this world. How we get there is different for all of us but we’re all on the journey together. 

Let’s respect one another and hold each other up on this journey of parenting. It feels really hard because it is really hard. 

Sending you love today and always.