Figuring out a parenting style that felt right to me was a struggle from the beginning. Having a child that was in the NICU from birth, I had to rely on guidance of nurses and doctors daily. I was a new mom who didn’t have a clue what I was doing and on top of it, my child was covered in wires and beeping machines. My motherly instincts were constantly being questioned. I desperately wanted to hold and bathe her but I was scared of hurting her. She was under 3 pounds at birth. She was incredibly fragile, hooked up to an oxygen machine 24/7 and a nose tube to eat. All day long nurses would come into our room to help take care of her, doctors to give us daily updates on her progress and I felt like I was an observer in my own life. I pumped around the clock and spent my days doing kangaroo care (chest to chest time with my baby). We drove to the hospital everyday and it was rinse and repeat. I just kept showing up. And little by little my motherly instincts started to kick in. I started to ask more questions and challenge guidance based on what I knew was best for my baby. There was one doctor in particular that I trusted whole heartedly and another child psychologist that set the tone for my parenting style forever. Funny enough both doctors are named Jim and I leaned on them frequently to guide my decision making. 

The child psychologist is an older gentleman who ended up retiring shortly after we were discharged. I consider the fact that we got to work with him one of the greatest blessings to come from my daughter being born early. I’ll never forget the day we met. I was struggling. I felt like I didn’t know what to do as parent to such a fragile child and I was plagued with worry. One of my daughter’s biggest struggles as a preemie was eating. I learned that it is very common for children born early to get the hang of eating because it takes a more developed mind to achieve the task of sucking, swallowing and breathing all at the same time. It’s something most parents take for granted but as a mom of a preemie it is a daily struggle.  This particular day I was starting to really worry about her ability to ever eat. She was getting to a place where she “should” have been able to do it but she wasn’t and I was spiraling. He is such a gentle spirit and immediately calmed the entire energy of the room when he entered. I started asking him a million questions and he could tell I needed some guidance. He calmly spent two hours with my husband and I explaining how to read her cues. How to tell when she was exhibiting stress cues and how to best respond to keep her feeling calm, loved and safe. He allowed my husband and I to put many of our worries on the shelf and simply stay present with our sweet baby. “She will do everything when she is ready. Just keep loving her and reading her cues and you will be just fine.” It was after that day that I truly became the mom I am today. I started having more confidence in what I was doing and my bond with Juliette grew exponentially.

As the weeks went on, it became clear to my husband and I that she was not getting the hang of eating and we were both done with trying to push her. Our instincts told us that she needed to be home with us and the words of Jim were always in the back of my head. She was clearly showing us that she needed to be with us and that she wasn’t ready to eat on her own. Our NICU doctor Jim was a huge help during this time. He allowed us to take her off her nose tube for 24 hours to help us make the final decision about placing a permanent g-tube which would allow us to take her home. I remember getting the call that she was not eating and he was worried about her weight loss. After that call, we scheduled the surgery. I remember feeling relief. I was terrified of the surgery but I trusted my gut and proceeded with it. It was terribly scary but I was at peace with the decision and ready to get my baby home. After we made the decision I drove to the Walgreens across the street from the hospital and sobbed. It was sadness, relief, grief, fear, happiness and exhaustion all combined. Once I let it all out, I proceeded back to the hospital a new mom. I was ready to take on whatever came next and stay present with my girl. 

Four days later we got to take our sweet girl home for the first time in 88 days. I got to dress her in the clothes I had prepared to take her home in and while the departure looked wildly different than what I had imagined when I ordered them many months prior, I relished in the exhilaration of the moment. The next few months were overwhelming with pumping, tube feedings, terrible acid reflux and the constant fear of the tube somehow coming out. But the joy I felt witnessing every smile, laugh, cuddle, selfie, and milestone trumped all of it. I became a mom who was trusting her instincts and listening to the cues of my baby. We have a sign in our house that we got after bringing Juliette home and it still is on display in our living room. It is the words of Jim, “everyday is a victory.”

This has become my parenting style. I relish in moments with Juliette that I would not have appreciated nearly as much had I not gone through the experiences of that first year of her life. I relish in every new accomplishment and I often times think, how am I this lucky? My little precious peanut who didn’t eat by mouth until well after her first birthday is now coined the snack queen in our family. Cowfish is her favorite restaurant and she never misses an opportunity to eat lobster and crab legs with her uncle Kurt. 

There have been a million times since the beginning of her life that I have learned to trust my gut. Nobody knows your child like you do. We have an inherent biological bond with our children that is so uniquely special and unbreakable.  I see a lot of posts asking for advice on parenting. From potty training to school selection to vitamins, the list goes on. And while I am a huge proponent of seeking parenting advice to enhance our choices I am also a firm believer in trusting your gut. 

I am amazed by this superpower we have as mom’s to know what our children need. We know when they’re sick before they cough. We know when a meltdown is approaching before the first stomp. We know when they need a cuddle or a nap or a dance party to let out some extra energy. We know when they are sad and need an encouraging word. 

Keep trusting your gut mama’s. You’re doing an amazing job. You’re raising your beautiful baby just as you should be. 

Sending you love today and always